The month of May, on the whole, is generally a positive month – two Bank Holidays, my birthday month and the sun is usually shining. This year it seems the April showers were a little delayed and so we saw a little less sunshine, and whilst I fully embraced the Bank holidays (4 day working weeks, who wouldn’t embrace those?!), I was not as welcoming when it came to my birthday.

I remember feeling the same about my birthday last year and as dramatic as it sounds, I was pretty traumatised about getting a year older. This year wasn’t as bad but I still wasn’t keen…it was like I was a mix of all of the ‘Friends’ characters in the episode ‘The one where they all turn 30’…and believe me, I WISH I had turned 30 again!

Whilst the pandemic appeared to give us the gift of time, I can’t help but feel like time is one of the things I have lost over the last 12-14 months. Lost time with family, lost time with friends, lost time in being able to travel and lost opportunities to progress and grow. This may sound a little ‘glass half empty’ and I’m not denying that the pandemic gave us time to slow down and reflect a little more on what’s most important to us; but too much time thinking can equally lead us into a negative spiral.

I used to think about getting to my current age and thinking I had plenty of time, but it’s silently crept up on me and after the last year, I’ve had periods where I have thought I’ve not achieved what I wanted to; or anywhere near enough as I thought I would both in my personal life and in relation to work. It’s at these times, where I need to remind myself to live in the present – embrace what I do have and focus less on what I don’t.

When we focus too much on the past or think too far ahead into the future, we become a victim of time. When we take more time in being present, we are likely to be more content and have a greater appreciation for what we already have. Our anxiety reduces about what we haven’t yet achieved, enabling us to manage our fear of the future and think about things more practically rather than through emotionally fuelled thoughts.

Natural worriers also have the tendency to constantly think ‘what if’ which can subsequently impact decision-making – something I can be very guilty of. I recently dipped into the book ‘Feel the Fear and do it anyway’ by Susan Jeffers which I have previously mentioned and the following quote spoke to me:

‘All you have to do to change your world is to change the way you think about it.’ – Susan Jeffers

This may seem obvious and simple but perhaps a little harder to do in practice. However, if you adopt a ‘No-Lose model’ to decision making – where any decision you make you can’t lose – your world becomes one which is full of opportunities. Susan Jeffers explains that in finding opportunity within any decision we make, we can more easily accept responsibility of these decisions and also learn to leave our picture of what the future looks like to one side.

We are unable to control the future and not fulfilling the picture of perfection in our minds will only lead to unhappiness if it isn’t fulfilled; but we can take ownership of the decisions we make in the present and learn when to correct ourselves when a decision takes us down a path we no longer wish to be on.

‘You’re not a failure because you don’t make it, you’re a success because you try.‘ – Susan Jeffers

This Time

This time can get you thinking
More than perhaps before
This time has your mind playing tricks on you
That you fight with all your might to ignore

This time makes you feel like you’re winning
With some space to relax and unwind
This time can uncover hidden feelings
And that in your life you’re falling behind

This time can have you learning
It takes you down paths you didn’t expect to explore
This time can feel like a chapter is over
But you’re still looking for the next open door 

This time can feel like it’s running out
It’s ticking away like you won’t forget
Focus on all that you currently have
Don’t embrace what you will later regret

This time can leave you feeling lonely 
And you’re sat looking in from the outside
This time can leave you with little hope
That the feeling will soon subside

This time can be a healer
For your heart and state of mind
But we don’t know what anyone is truly going through
So never forget to simply, be kind.

Laura Carruthers 2021 ©