We’re only half way through May and I’m already finding it a mixed month which perhaps shouldn’t come as surprise at the moment.

First off, it was my birthday on the 5^th and whilst having a birthday in lockdown wasn’t as bad as anticipated, I didn’t feel too good about turning another year older. Birthdays have always been full of laughter, time with family and friends, but whilst looking back and thinking of all my previous birthday celebrations, I’m equally contemplating ‘how have I got to this year so quickly?’ One minute you’re clock watching for the day to go quicker and the next, days and years seem to have passed in what feels like the blink of an eye. The good thing about having a birthday in lockdown is that due to the postal delivery delays, the parcels kept on coming for the rest of the week and I now have quite a stash of Welsh Cheese in my fridge (cheers Bruv!) 

The Bank Holiday at the end of the week was also something to look forward to. Celebrating VE Day – 75 years since Victory in Europe, and although much has changed over the decades since, we find ourselves experiencing some parallels. As well as the similar behaviours of pulling together, supporting each other and that resilient outlook of just getting on with things, some were referring to the very first phase of Covid preparation and planning as the ‘Phoney War’; because in our geographical area, we hadn’t seen the surge we initially anticipated so it gave us more time to prepare for when Covid case numbers started to increase. 

The Bank Holiday VE Celebrations (that I watched on TV without breaking social distancing rules…!) encouraged a further time for reflection and to remember family members who played their part during the war. The old black and white photographs showing family resemblances were shared virtually, and although they are no longer with us to share the stories the photographs hold first hand, you could lose yourself and travel back in time, if only for a moment.

Because that’s what lockdown has given us isn’t it…time. Time to think, time to reflect, time to look back, time to contemplate ‘what if’, and time to consider how we would like life to look post-Covid, whenever we may truly get to that point. It has also given us time to remember those we love who are no longer with us, and equally lockdown is a very real reminder that life is a blessing. 

I was feeling anxious whilst waiting for the PM’s ‘Address to the Nation’ about the next phase of lockdown earlier on this week. On the same day of writing this, it was announced that another Consultant in General Medicine at our Trust had lost their battle with Covid and whilst the roads get busier on the way to work and as I see more people out walking or meeting at a social distance, I hope everyone remembers that we are still very much at a critical point in managing this pandemic. The news of another life lost demonstrates that the threat of Covid is still very much alive.

Dealing with the loss of a family member or friend is never easy and in some respects even more difficult to comprehend at this time. I am a great believer in ‘those we love never truly leave us’ and in trying to manage my own feelings surrounding loss at this time due to the intensifying feelings which lockdown brings, writing the poem below certainly helped. I hope it helps anyone else who may be struggling with loss at present.

I know you’re up there shining bright
 
Are you up there shining bright?
Did you hear me say
Softly and quietly to myself
That you’re missed here with each day?
 
Are you up there shining bright?
Are you friends with the man in the moon?
Do you sit and talk of all those memories
That you left us with too soon?
 
Are you up there shining bright?
Or do you walk here by my side?
Are you still there when we need you most?
A one in a million guide!
 
Are you up there shining bright?
Do you ever stop to listen
And watch our world continue on
And help the sunshine make our day glisten?
 
Are you up there shining bright
Among Saturn, Jupiter and Mars?
Have you found your spot where you can sit
And shine as bright as the stars?
 
I know you’re up there shining bright
With a light that’s so infinite
Our world may be a different place
But the sky is brighter with you in it